My Mood Has So Many Swings, It’s Basically a Theme Park Now -

And I’m just here trying not to throw up emotionally.

This morning, my coffee tasted like peace.

I was calm. I even watered the plants and replied to two emails I’d been avoiding for days. The playlist was soft, my room smelled like comfort, and for a second—I thought, “I’m okay today.”

Thirty minutes later, I was crying over a reel.Not a sad one. A dog jumping into a pool. That’s it.

And that’s how it started: the slow unraveling.

I sat there thinking, “Why am I like this?”

It wasn’t one big thing. Just… everything. The mental tabs open in the background. The little heaviness I ignored yesterday. The guilt I carry for being so emotional. And that annoying inner voice whispering, “Get it together.”

But how do you "get it together" when you don’t even know what fell apart?

That’s the thing with mood swings. They don’t knock before they enter. They don’t come with logic or warning. One moment, I’m fine. The next? I feel like I’m holding back tears in a crowded room where no one even notices.

Mood swings aren’t always loud. Sometimes, they’re quiet drownings.

It’s not always obvious.It doesn’t start with shouting or slamming doors.Sometimes, it’s just this quiet heaviness in the chest. Like holding back tears for no reason.Like walking through fog with no direction.Like being on a rollercoaster you never lined up for.

One moment I’m humming to a playlist. The next, I’m staring blankly at the wall, thinking about every choice I’ve ever made since 2017.

That’s what it’s like.To have a mind that shifts with no warning.To wake up in spring and feel like winter by evening.Some days, I hold it together so well, I fool even myself.Other days, my mood has so many swings, it’s basically a theme park—with emotional loop-de-loops and unexpected drops. No seatbelt. No map.

“What’s wrong with me?”

That question becomes a loop of its own.I ask it quietly, on the bathroom floor.I ask it mid-meeting, smiling as I type.I ask it at 2AM, blinking at the ceiling, heart pounding for no reason.The truth?Nothing’s wrong.And also—everything feels wrong.

Because sometimes, your body remembers grief or exhaustion before your mind catches up. Sometimes, emotions surface from places you didn’t even know were aching.

But I’ve learned to hide it. Masterfully.

I’ve laughed with friends when I wanted to cry.I’ve said “I’m just tired” when I was actually on the edge of falling apart.I’ve gone to work, done the chores, posted selfies—and no one noticed the storm behind my eyes.

Because we’ve been taught to shrink our feelings.To “not be dramatic.”To “stay strong.”Especially as women.But strength isn’t always smiling through it.Sometimes strength is feeling everything and still waking up the next day to try again.

And it’s not just women.

Men feel this too—they’re just taught not to name it.I’ve watched my brother sit in silence, jaw clenched, eyes unfocused.He won’t say he’s low. He’ll say he’s “just thinking.”He won’t say he feels numb. He’ll say he’s “just tired.”

But I see it.That quiet ache. That emotional shutdown.That mood swing hidden behind forced stillness.This isn’t just my story.It’s ours—for anyone who’s ever felt too much in a world that prefers you stay quiet.

So what do I do when it all crashes in?

Not much.Not the way movies tell you to.I don’t light candles and journal for hours.Sometimes I just sit there, with a lukewarm coffee and a racing heart, trying not to let it consume me.

But on the days I can… I try.

• I let myself cry.

• I pause the to-do list.

• I let the silence stretch without guilt.

• I tell a friend the truth instead of saying “I’m fine.”

• I stop apologizing for being emotional, sensitive, human.

And sometimes, I just say it out loud:“This is one of those days. And that’s okay.”

If you’re feeling this too… I see you.

If your emotions make no sense.If you’re exhausted by your own mind.If you're smiling in public but falling apart in private—this is your reminder: You are not overreacting.You are not too sensitive.You are not weak.You’re human. With a heart that beats loudly, even when no one hears it.So yeah,my mood has so many swings, it’s a full-blown amusement park now.But you know what?There’s beauty in this emotional chaos.There’s strength in feeling deeply.And there’s grace in surviving one more ride.

Here’s to those of us who feel everything.And still choose to get up, again and again—with trembling hands and wild hearts.We’re not broken.We’re beautifully alive.